I realize, before I even start, that I am probably not alone in my sentiments. But Bittman bugs me. It’s not his ideas. Yes, Food Matters. But does he really say anything that Michael Pollan and Marion Nestle haven’t said before?

It’s not even that the idea of a Minimalist bothers me. Some of his recipes are very good. I’m even thinking about making the chocolate souffle he featured this week. It sounds easy and delicious. And let’s face it, who hasn’t made the no-knead bread? Although personally, I prefer Rose Levy Beranbaum’s take on it.

No, what bothers me about Bittman is that he thinks he knows how to cook everything. Who has the chutzpah to call their cookbook “How to Cook Everything?” And then do it again in the vegetarian version? In the interest of research, I read “How to Cook Everything.” There are lots of easy recipes. But nothing that rocked my world. Certainly not “Everything.”

Really, though, I think the problem is that Bittman makes me feel like the last girl left on the playground. He does not write to me. I am not his target audience. I’m not going to buy a $10 knife at the restaurant supply store. I don’t need a cookbook to tell me how to put together a side dish for dinner. I don’t need no-knead bread. I’ve been baking bread for 25 years the old-fashioned way, and I’m good at it. 

No, Bittman writes to who I was a long time ago, when I was teaching myself to cook from Bon Appetit and the Good Housekeeping cookbook. When I was making flat, holey bread that tasted like a brick. When the only salt in my cupboard was Morton’s. When I actually thought thyme came out of a glass jar.

By no means am I implying that I’m a professional chef, or that I have nothing to learn about cooking. I have no professional training. My friends who do have professional training will tell you I have minimal knife skills and almost no finesse in the kitchen (I am exceptionally lucky in baking, though). But I’m comfortable with cooking. I do it almost every day. I read cookbooks like others read novels. There’s hardly any gadget that doesn’t find its way into my kitchen. Minimalist I am not, nor is it my goal.

25 years ago, I would have loved Mark Bittman. He speaks to wannabe cooks everywhere. He will tell you how to move from “can’t cook at all” to “dinner party, anyone?”

Too bad I’m not that girl anymore. Guess I’ll take my copper pots and go home. Dinner party, anyone? I’ll bring dessert!